"Hey, did you see what happened today? President Obama won another Nobel prize today, this time in medicine, for pretending to give up smoking." --Jay Leno
"Did you know the Nobel Peace Prize comes with a cash award? It's like a million dollars. Actually, it's $1.4 million. See, apparently, this is President Obama's plan to finance healthcare reform. Keep winning these awards — the Nobel, the Powerball, the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes -- keep winning these, and we can pay for the whole healthcare thing." --Jay Leno
"And in NFL news, conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh trying to buy the St. Louis Rams. So far, this season, the Rams are what, 0-5? What is it with the Republicans? They can't seem to pick a winning team lately. What's going on?" --Jay Leno
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