"I will be honest with you, folks. Right now, I would give anything to be hiking on the Appalachian Trail." --David Letterman
"I got into the car this morning and the navigation lady wasn't speaking to me." --David Letterman
"Things are still pretty bad. There's a possibility I'll be the first talk-show host impeached." --David Letterman
"Did you hear about this? Over the weekend, they came up with proof that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is Jewish. I wonder how much they wanted to keep that quiet." --David Letterman
"Ahmadinejad won't be talking about it. He's referring all questions to Rubenstein Communications." --David Letterman
"Hey, how about this? President Obama goes to Denmark and he's trying to get the 2016 Olympics for the great city of Chicago. And he presented his case in a heartfelt manner but they weren't buying it. And boy, do I know what that feels like." --David Letterman
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