"President Obama has come out with a new policy for using nuclear weapons. In a related story, Joe Biden said he would try not to drop the F-bomb so often." -Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin's daughter is speaking out. In an interview, Bristol Palin says she realizes she was totally unprepared to be a mother. Hey, it's better than being a mother that's totally unprepared to be vice president." -Jay Leno
"Sunday was the big White House Easter egg hunt. Of course, the Catholic priests didn't have time to hide eggs, they were too busy hiding each other." -Jay Leno
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