"The Gulf oil spill, now officially the worst in U.S. history. In fact, they're calling this the biggest environmental disaster since the State of New Jersey." –Jay Leno
"As you know, we're right in the middle of a process called 'top kill.' Doesn't it sound like some bad Steven Seagal movie from the '80s?" –Jay Leno
"BP says if 'top kill' fails, they'll try something called the 'junk shot.' Hey, worked last night for the Lakers." –Jay Leno
"Well, there's a big new scandal going on. Have you heard about this? Republicans are now saying that President Obama had Bill Clinton offer a job to Pennsylvania's Joe Sestak in exchange for dropping out of the Pennsylvania Senate race against Arlen Specter. It's kind of complicated. But if it's true, it's an impeachable offense. That's what they're saying. They're comparing it to the Clinton impeachment. Close, but no cigar." –Jay Leno
"It's been a rough day in the stock market. It's so bad, today, President Obama had to lay off two teleprompters." –Jay Leno
"The economy is so bad, Joe Biden had to cash in his swear jar." –Jay Leno
"The economy is so bad, I saw the governor of Arizona eating at Taco Bell." –Jay LenoFollow On Twitter
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