"A new poll shows President Obama ahead of Sarah Palin 54 percent to 39 percent in a potential match up. You know what that means? John McCain could get Barack Obama elected twice." –Jay Leno
"Vice President Joe Biden said there has been no 'substantive damage' to the United States by Julian Assange in the whole WikiLeaks scandal. He says it has been embarrassing, but you can't prosecute people for embarrassing the United States. If that were true, Joe Biden would be serving life in prison." –Jay Leno
"It was so cold in Washington, President Obama got into bed with the Republicans just for the warmth." –Jay Leno
"A group of TSA workers at LAX airport have formed a choir to sing to passengers. That's just what you want, a guy with his hands down your pants going, 'Do you feel what I feel?'" –Jay Leno
"On a flight from Cuba to Canada, a man threatened to shoot flight attendants after they stopped serving him drinks. He has been charged with making death threats and if convicted, he could lose his pilot's license." –Jay Leno
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