"Tonight President Obama issued his annual Hannukah message. When the son of a black man from Kenya and a white woman from Kansas, elected President thanks to Latino voters, gives an address over his Japanese computer, serviced by technicians in India, to Hebrew people of this land we took from Native Americans, that's what this country is all about." —Jay Leno
"In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we must stand with our North Korean allies. When she was corrected she said, 'Listen, geometry was never my strong suit.'" —Jay Leno
"Here's the latest on our country's top-secret documents. We don't have any anymore. But the head of WikiLeaks has had to go into hiding. He's somewhere all by himself. Officials think he may be in a theater showing 'Burlesque.'" —Jay Leno
"WikiLeaks has released thousands of classified documents that could be detrimental to the United States. Usually, when something this embarrassing about the United States is revealed, it's because Joe Biden said it." —Jay Leno
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