"President Obama's hometown newspaper, the Chicago Tribune has called on Obama not to run for re-election. He has to run. He knows there are no other jobs out there." –Jay Leno
"The Solyndra executives are scheduled to testify before Congress, and they're expected to take the 5th. Why not take the 5th? They've already taken $535 million." –Jay Leno
"Gays can now openly serve in the military, which is good news, unless you're gay and you don't want to join the military and they reinstate the draft." –Jay Leno
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