Conan O'Brien Political Jokes| Rick Perry

"Rick Perry said America's revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, 'I never said I was a geology major.'" –Conan O'Brien

"At the last Republican debate, the candidates were seated according to how they've been doing in the polls. So Jon Huntsman was seated next to Tim Pawlenty at a Denny's across the street." –Conan O'Brien

"Brian Williams said if he ever left his wife for a man, that man would be Bruce Springsteen. Which is a really weird way to begin the nightly news." –Conan O'Brien

Funny Political Jokes | David Letterman Jokes about Rick Perry

"You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed." –David Letterman

"They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one." –David Letterman

"The candidates at the last Republican debate got to ask each other questions. Jon Huntsman asked, 'Who am I?'" –David Letterman

"Rick Perry had to leave the debate early. He was late for an execution." –David Letterman

"Rick Perry looks like a guy who crawled out from under a painted rock. Perry’s exhausted. He’s having trouble sleeping. Calling Dr. Conrad Murray!" –David Letterman

"President Bill Clinton is on the show tonight, and we had trouble with security. The bomb-sniffing dogs found the cue cards." –David Letterman

Jay Leno Political Jokes About Rick Perry

"President Obama is criticizing Rick Perry for denying global warming. Can understand why Rick Perry doesn't take global warming seriously. As governor of Texas, he's probably fried more people than global warming all put together." –Jay Leno

"President Obama claims his new jobs bill will be better than his old jobs bill, which only created one job that went to a guy named Bill." –Jay Leno

"Herman Cain won the Republican straw poll in Florida. Cain has had more wins in Florida this year than the Miami Dolphins." –Jay Leno

Jon Stewart Jokes About Rick Perry

"Why would the Josh Brolin character from 'W.' be running for....what!? That's a real guy?" –Jon Stewart on Rick Perry

"He's not George Bush on steroids. Rick Perry is what happens if Lex Luther distilled down George Bush essence in a laboratory and crossed it with gun powder and semen from the finest thoroughbred in Lubbock, and then strapped that concoction onto a nuclear missile and shot it into the f*cking sun! And then, waited, waited, waited, until one day, on the anniversarry of the Alamo, a solar flare, yada yada yada, Rick Perry!" –Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart, riffing on Rick Perry's remark that Americans should want a president who's "in love" with America: "You want a president who would, in a rainstorm, grab America's hand and take shelter with America in a nearby barn. Maybe help America out of its wet clothes. Maybe lay America down on some hay bales. And then, as America and Rick Perry become one, the sounds of their lovemaking merging with the thunderstorm's cacophony, the barn shutters rattling, the livestock, the livestock they want to look away but they can't, their eyes are transfixed. I am Rick Perry and, unlike Barack Obama, I will f*ck the shit out of America."

The Weeks Top Political Cartoons

Funny Rick Perry Political Cartoons