Jay Leno Political Jokes Koran Burning, Obama and Tiger Woods

"President Obama insisted that the U.S. economy is still showing improvement. And he said you can take that to the bank, if you can find any that are still open." –Jay Leno

"According to a new report, 41 of President Obama's staffers now owe the government more than $831,000 in back taxes. When asked if they could just keep avoiding taxes, they said, 'Yes we can! Yes we can!'" –Jay Leno

"The government announced today a $60 billion arms deal with Saudi Arabia, the biggest in our history. We will sell Saudi Arabia F15 fighter jets, Apache and Black Hawk helicopters, and many other weapons that will one day be used against us." –Jay Leno

"There was no Koran burning on Saturday. Apparently that dopey pastor, Terry Jones, decided not to burn the Koran when he realized the only copy he had was on his Kindle." –Jay Leno

"There was a lot of talk about President Obama not wearing his wedding ring during his press conference on Friday. Boy, the guy spends a couple of hours with Tiger Woods and look what happens." –Jay Leno
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Jimmy Kimmel Jokes About Tiger Woods

"I watched so much golf this weekend. Tiger finished in 4th place, which means he only won $330,000, which is barely enough to pay his text messaging bill." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Tiger's obviously under a lot of stress. It's very difficult to play when you have a padlock on your underpants." –Jimmy KimmelFollow On Twitter

Jay Leno Political Jokes on Health Care, Tiger Woods and Michael Steele

"Well, according to the Pentagon, Al Qaeda is in financial ruin. You know why they're broke? Health insurance premiums." –Jay Leno

"Well, the big news is Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring. I mean, this won't affect as many Americans as when Paula left 'American Idol,' but it's still a big deal." –Jay Leno

"Tiger Woods said he would try to keep his emotions under control, but after a bad swing, he used the F-word. Who does he think he is — vice president of the United States?" –Jay Leno

"In a speech, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, said 'I am the first here to admit I've made mistakes.' Then the stripper giving him a lap-dance said it will still be 20 bucks." –Jay LenoFollow On Twitter

Jay Leno Political Jokes and Tiger Woods

"This Tiger Woods thing has had an effect on a lot of people. In fact, earlier today, Elizabeth Edwards went out and bought a new set of golf clubs." –Jay Leno

"President Obama last night ordered 30,000 more troops in Afghanistan to fight the Taliban, but on an 18-month timetable. In a related story, the Taliban announced they are on a 19-month timetable." –Jay Leno

"The good news, Obama said he expects to start bringing our troops home in two years. The bad news, Bush said the same thing seven years ago." –Jay Leno

"President Obama gave his speech last night at West Point. He was going to give it at the White House, but he wanted some place with better security." –Jay Leno

"You know what we should do? Get rid of the Secret Service, bring in some nightclub bouncers." –Jay Leno

"But this is serious, because that couple who crashed the White House state dinner ended up meeting the president. Did you see that? There's a photo of them meeting face-to-face with President Obama, which is amazing when you realize that even Fox News had not met face-to-face with President Obama." –Jay Leno

"And The Washington Post suggested today that this party-crashing couple may have a long history of deceiving people. Well, no wonder they fit in at the White House." –Jay Leno

"A group has now filed papers to nominate Dick Cheney to run for president of the United States in 2012. You may have heard of the group, Halliburton." –Jay Leno

"New reports on Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue' bus tour. They say she's been traveling on private planes to various stops and then just hops in the bus at the local town. So, let's see what you got. You have Sarah Palin, who's no longer governor, who's promoting a book she didn't actually write by going on a bus tour which is not really a bus. Her big complaint? Politicians who aren't real." –Jay Leno

"I watched Oprah interview Sarah Palin a couple weeks ago. Spent a whole hour talking to her. And I realized, if John McCain had done that, we never would have heard of Sarah Palin." –Jay Leno

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