"I guess everyone is following Sonia Sotomayor's Supreme Court confirmation hearing. Did you hear what happened yesterday? Her twin nephews fell asleep during the hearings. But in their defense, they were watching a Supreme Court confirmation hearing. What are you supposed to do? Root for it? Start the wave?" --Jimmy Fallon
"Sarah Palin's friends say they are worried about her because she looks frail and her hair is thinning. It's all part of her plan to run for president in 2012 as John McCain." --Jimmy Fallon
"Democrats want an investigation into a secret CIA program that was concealed from Congress by Dick Cheney. The program is so secret, Cheney could tell you about it, but then he'd have to take you hunting." --Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama's teleprompter fell to the ground and shattered yesterday during a speech on the economy. Wow, even speeches about the economy are crashing. That's bad. That's not good." --Jimmy Fallon
"Lauren Conrad -- star of 'The Hills' -- she topped the children's New York Times bestseller list with her book 'L.A. Candy.' As a result, the Department of Education has launched a new program telling kids not to read." --Jimmy Fallon
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