"President Obama planted a tree on the north lawn of the White House this week, in a spot where Bush planted one that did not take. Apparently, nobody had the heart to tell Bush that his tree was actually a coat rack. 'I'm going to go water my tree!' 'Whatever you say, Mr. President.'" --Jimmy Fallon
"Hey, the health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon
"Do you guys remember when President Obama had a beer with the Harvard professor and the police officer who arrested him? Well, Henry Louis Gates and James Crowley were spotted this week at a pub in Cambridge having a drink. So, this is either great news for race relations or those guys are alcoholics." --Jimmy Fallon
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