Top Ten Reasons I, Dave Letterman, Am Proud To Be An American"
10. The complimentary TSA groping
9. Other countries don't have one Dakota — we have two
8. Land of the free, home of the brave, and the fattest people on Earth
7. Our wise and learned Founding Fathers, such as Thomas Jefferson and John Quincy Gotti (joke provided by Michele O'Bachmann)
6. All our presidents were born in America . . . or possibly Kenya
5. The United States has the best extreme couponers in the world
4. We live in a country where our politicians text photos of their junk
3. Forget all this, have you seen the news story about Florence Henderson?
2. Kim Kardashian X-rayed her butt
1. What other country would let me get away with doing this crap?
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