Political Jokes by David Letterman-Chilean miners, Obama,Christine O'Donnell

"I feel bad for the Chilean miners. They were down there in the dark so long. I mean, my God, it's like the Tea Party." —David Letterman

"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late." —David Letterman

"The Nobel Prize in the fiction category went to Christine O'Donnell's resume." —David Letterman

"North Korea is getting a new evil dictator. Kim Jong Il is appointing his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il." —David Letterman


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Bill Maher Christine O'Donnell Political Jokes

"What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I'm not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they're anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they're anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they're super Christian, they're a witch." —Bill Maher

"Christine O'Donnell is behind, but I don't think it's the witch stuff. I think it's because of her anti-masturbation stance. She's very serious about that, and you know people in Delaware are going, 'Come on, I live in Delaware, what else am I suppose to do?'" —Bill Maher

"Here in California we also have a bit of a scandal. Jerry Brown was leaving a message on somebody's phone line and he thought he hung up, but he didn't. And then you can hear somebody say, 'Meg Whitman is a whore.' You know, some candidates have trouble with the Internet, Facebook, or Twitter. Jerry is still getting the hang of the phone." —Bill Maher

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Bill Maher Jokes about Christine O'Donnell

"Christine O'Donnell hates masturbation, which is ironic because she owes her nomination to a bunch of jackoffs." —Bill Maher

"She said that during the primary, 'I heard the audible voice of God, and he said one word: 'credibility.' Which is interesting, because she has no job, there's a lien placed on her home, and she's using campaign funds for her living expenses. Her platform is about bringing fiscal responsibility to Washington, but God said 'credibility.' I think what God should have said was, 'Shut up and get a vibrator.'" —Bill Maher

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Jimmy Kimmel Political Jokes Christine O'Donnell

"When our right to masturbate is threatened, that's where I draw the line. What goes on between me in my own bedroom, and car sometimes, is my business, not the government's." —Jimmy Kimmel

"We need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O'Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you'll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands." —Jimmy Kimmel
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