Jay Leno Jokes About Casey Anthony,Sarah Palin and Democrats

"Democrats warned that if the debt ceiling isn't raised, the government would cease to function. How would you be able to tell?" –Jay Leno

"You know what the scary part is? Not that the government will cease to function, that they think this is actually the government functioning. They think it is working well." –Jay Leno

"The government is warning that terrorists may try to blow up airplanes by implanting bombs under their skin. The airlines responded by saying they'll charge any terrorists that do this a $50 carry-on fee." –Jay Leno

"Lady Gaga complained that the U.S. is allowing Iran and North Korea to get nukes and we have to stop them. Before the White House makes any decision, they’re waiting to hear from Britney Spears." –Jay Leno

"According to the New York Times, a cell phone found in Osama bin Laden's compound had phone numbers belonging to Pakistan's intelligence agencies. But authorities say it’s unlikely they ever spoke because apparently bin laden had AT&T." –Jay Leno

"A new study shows that home births are up 20% in the united states. More and more moms are giving birth at home. Or as in Arnold Schwarzenegger's case, giving birth in the home they're cleaning." –Jay Leno

"Vice President Joe Biden has a new Twitter account. He said he will not rest until he can embarrass the president on every media platform ever invented." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin spoke out about Independence Day, saying that if the British had won the war, we'd all be speaking English today." –Jay Leno

"You know Casey Anthony is not the only one that is going to go free. Lawyers for Dominique Strauss Kah now say that the maid in the ritzy hotel also worked as a hooker. So he could walk too. A maid who is also a hooker. That’s like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s dream date." –Jay Leno

"It was so hot in California today that Arnold Schwarzenegger's clothes were out on the lawn setting themselves on fire." –Jay Leno

"Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama's economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America." –Jay Leno

"I think the jury from the O.J. Simpson trial retired and moved to Florida." –Jay Leno

Democrats are getting squeezed by U.S. Sen. John F. Kerry this Christmas

Massachusetts - Battle-weary Bay State Democrats are getting squeezed by U.S. Sen. John F. Kerry this Christmas, as the nation’s richest senator puts the arm on cash-strapped party donors to fill his campaign war chest - even though he’s not up for re-election for another four years. “I think people feel very tapped-out,” said Phil Johnston, former Massachusetts Democratic Party chairman, who is helping to organize Kerry’s Dec. 13 gala. The state’s senior senator was recently ranked the nation’s richest...More

A Political Roast With Jay Leno Political Jokes

"Welcome to 'The Tonight Show.' You sound happier than Barack Obama when he found out Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton both paid their taxes." --Jay Leno

"I think Barack Obama is a genius. I think this is part of the plan. Do you ever notice when Barack Obama nominates someone, the first thing they do is pay their taxes? He's found a way to pay off the deficit. Nominate every single person in the country one at a time, until they pay off the deficit." --Jay Leno

"As you know, Tom Daschle withdrew his name to be in Obama's cabinet, due to IRS problems. Yeah, he said, 'I will not be a distraction.' See, distraction is Washington talk for, 'Uh-oh, there's a lot more crap you don't know about yet.'" --Jay Leno

"Wasn't it just a couple months ago, these people were making fun of Joe the Plumber for not paying his taxes?" --Jay Leno

"Daschle says that his problems with the IRS were unintentional. Well, of course they were unintentional. He never intended to get caught." --Jay Leno

"I guess the Democrats think IRS means, 'I'm really sorry.'" --Jay Leno

"And you know that woman here in California who just had the eight kids and has six more at home?' Well, today, Tom Daschle proposed to her. He's not in love, he just needs the deductions. 'Please marry me, please!'" --Jay Leno

"The White House issued a statement today saying that the reason their nominees are having such trouble is that the new White House has set the bar very high. See, that shows you what's wrong with politics in this country. That's what the government considers setting the bar high, having to pay taxes like everybody else in America." --Jay Leno

"And today, President Obama announced a salary cap of $500,000 for executives at banks and companies that have received taxpayer bailout money. And you know — it is good. But I'll tell you something, you can tell a lot of these CEOs don't get it. They said, 'Well, that's $500,000 a month, right?'" --Jay Leno

"And Wells Fargo, who got almost $25 billion in bailout money, has canceled a pricey 12-day corporate trip to Las Vegas. And I think they learned their lesson, because they really scaled things back. They're not doing Vegas anymore. Now, it's a one-day pie eating contest in Laughlin." --Jay Leno

"And Citigroup, who received a huge bailout from the government, owns the naming rights to the New York Mets' new stadium. It is currently called Citi Field, but because of Barack Obama's crackdown on the Federal bailout money, Citigroup will legally have to change the name of the stadium to Money Grubbing Bastards Field." --Jay Leno

"Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi recently said that every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, '500 million Americans lose their jobs.' I think the Botox is starting to seep into her brain." --Jay Leno

"And the US Postal Service says they may cut postal service from six days to five days a week. They say they're losing money because people aren't using the postal service as much as they used to. If you'd like to complain, you can e-mail the complaint to uspostalservice.com." --Jay Leno

The new US energy secretary predicts agriculture in California will disappear in this century because of global warming. He said people in California will no longer grow crops, except those who are growing them in their basements, attics, and garages." --Jay Leno
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Who Won the Presidential Debate Tuesday Night (10/07/08)? Political Roast

Don't you love the big question after the Presidential Debates? Who won the debate?

Well gee, lets try and figure this out, if you ask a Republican they might lean toward...ah..the Republican candidate and the same for the Democrats!

It is the same slanted opinion you get from the media, it depends on what channel you watch. They don't report any factual information just an agenda!

Don't you love when the news anchors will cut live to a mock viewing center were they assembled a whopping 25 people. Then the hot chick news reporter will ask them to raise their hand for who they supported! Or use some electronic gadget to gage their "emotional" response to the candidates...OMG, we are morons...

Well guess what, they think we are all morons. Every last politician in Washington D.C. believes they can pull one over on the American public and they do.

Look at the 700 Billion dollar " Big business stimulus package". This is not to fix the economy, this is to keep some large companies from going out of business!

Politicians tell us if these companies went out of business the economy would collapse.

This money should have been given to a few companies that have been doing business "legally" so they can take over Fannie Mae and Freddie mac.

Which would include taking their assets, debts and loans. This would be like any other takeover. The economy would have been in the same position it is now, but without giving money to the same lenders that started the mortgage crisis...Duh..

As far as declaring a debate winner, there is no winner! Unless a candidate, throws up on the moderator or soils his diaper, there is no winner just more Political finger pointing from both sides!

Maybe it is time to strongly support a third party, some way, some how.

Because this country is going down faster than a sissy in prison and it has been caused by the Democrats and Republicans......Political Roast

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