Jimmy Kimmel jokes about John Boehner

"John Boehner told Republicans to 'get in line.' He was very angry. His face turned from orange to mandarin orange." –Jimmy Kimmel

"They say that the United States might default on its loans and China might foreclose. We'll have to move into a cheap rental country or something." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Sarah Palin said that if a deal isn't reached by Aug. 2, nothing will happen. Do you hear that, award-winning economists?" –Jimmy Kimmel

John Boehner Jokes

It is cold down in Washington, D.C. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold." —David Letterman

"This guy is an ad for Paxil." —Bill Maher on John Boehner crying at a ceremony recognizing the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's inauguration

"Next week Boehner will be sitting behind Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of 'Old Yeller.' The state of our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.'" —Bill Maher

"John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody’s compensating for his small government." –Stephen Colbert

"In his first speech as Speaker, Boehner thanked his loved ones – tobacco lobbyists, the oil companies, the CEOs." –Jay Leno

"How about the new Speaker of the House, John Boehner. Have you seen this guy's enormous gavel. I'm telling you, if in four hours, that gavel is still that size, he's got to call a doctor." –David Letterman

"John Boehner -- doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money." –David Letterman

David Letterman Jokes about John Boehner, Dick Cheny and Top Ten

"Thousands of birds fell dead in Arkansas. It's either al-Qaida, or Dick Cheney is hunting again." —David Letterman

"Now that the Republicans have taken over the House, they're going to undo everything President Obama has done. John Boehner even told the Obama kids that the dog has to go back." —David Letterman


David Letterman's "Top Ten Things Overheard During The Republicans' First Day In Charge Of The House"

10. "Mr. Boehner, please stop crying"
9. "How do we blame this dead bird thing on Obama?"
8. "I think he was just sworn in on a copy of Snooki's new book"
7. "Beer me!"
6. "Alright, you've had six hours, is the economy fixed?"
5. "Speaker Boehner, please stop blowing your nose"
4. "When is vacation?"
3. "No, Sen. McCain, Woodrow Wilson doesn't work here anymore"
2. "When do we get to sleep with the pages?"
1. "How soon can we go back to invading countries for oil?"

David Letterman rips on John Boehner and Republicans

"Now that the Republicans have taken over the House, they're going to repeal everything President Obama has done. They even told Michelle Obama that her vegetable garden has to go." –David Letterman

"How about the new Speaker of the House, John Boehner. Have you seen this guy's enormous gavel. I'm telling you, if in four hours, that gavel is still that size, he's got to call a doctor." –David Letterman

"John Boehner -- doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money." –David Letterman

"Birds are falling out of the sky in Arkansas and Louisiana and London. Today I saw my parakeet looking at the obituaries in the newspaper on the bottom of his cage, chirping, 'Petey!'" –David Letterman